This last week has been one of the tougest weeks we have had in a long time. Our 9 month old lab, Addie was hit by a car outside our home and killed. You may remember my post when Addie came to live with us. Things changed ...really changed and I grew to love that dog. She was a very sweet and lovable animal. She only wanted to be with us at all times and the excitement that she had when we would come home made me feel special and wanted. A feeling I only really experience with my family.
The last few days have been filled with bad 80's hair band ballads. Cinderella's "Don't now what you've got till its gone", Tesla's "Love Story" even Cher's "If I could turn back time". All I can think about is why didn't I check her kennel and make sure she was locked in Tuesday night? Why didn't I train her to not leave the yard? Why didn't I spend more time with her on Tuesday? Why did I care more about not messing up my pants then playing with her? Why did I rush to fill her water bowl, pet her a few times and threw her a stick so I could make it back into the house before she came back? Why didn't I take any recent pictures of her? Why, why why? Regret.
This regret has really plagued me. I feel like I not only failed Addie but I failed the girls. My laziness and indiffernce cost Addie and my girls. I know this was just an animal and for those that are thinking "it is a dog, get over it" , I get you. I used to think that way. My opinion was animals smell, they slobber, they shed, they poop and pee and did I mention they smell! The only good animal was a stuffed animal.
But looking at PerryAnn and having to tell her what happened and then comforting this teenager who was in that moment, a small child looking at me with eyes wet from tears but more than that a helpless stare, questioning me, pleading with me to make it not be true. You want to give your kids all you can and this was something that I could not do. It is killing me. Yeah, Addie was a dog but she was a part of our family and we miss her.
so sorry. i wish i could give you a squeeze right now. people who say that "it's a dog, get over it" have probably never had a great dog who brings everyday love & happiness.
btw...how did it go telling GG?
Posted by: janie | November 22, 2008 at 06:49 PM
That's so sad. That's one of those moments when it sucks to be mom (or dad) and have to tell your kids the news. I'm really, really sorry for you and your family.
Posted by: bigdaddyjer | November 22, 2008 at 08:23 PM
I'm so sorry Lori.
Posted by: Monica | November 23, 2008 at 09:28 PM
Oh, Lori...this is heartbreaking...we grieve even though 'she's a dog', don't pile that guilt on top of the regrets...this, (unfortunately) becomes a lesson in dealing with death, eh? makes me think about the world and how death is all around, and we, as a country, are so out of touch with it, that it is hard for us to deal with...when making it a lesson for the family,your feelings of regret and how this just happens anyway...brings reality of life rather than unending guilt...love u
Posted by: Sue | November 25, 2008 at 08:05 AM
I used to be that person to say its just a dog. But now that we have two dogs, I would feel the same as you do if this happened to one of ours. The comment about you dont know how it feels till you have dogs, is so true! Maybe another dog is in the future?
Posted by: Angie Funches | December 04, 2008 at 04:09 PM
test
Posted by: Lori Z | August 29, 2009 at 02:26 PM