Lori's Blog

Regret

This last week has been one of the tougest weeks we have had in a long time.  Our 9 month old lab, Addie was hit by a car outside our home and killed.  You may remember my post when Addie came to live with us.  Things changed ...really changed and I  grew to love that dog.  She was a very sweet and lovable animal.  She only wanted to be with us at all times and the excitement that she had when we would come home made me feel special and wanted.  A feeling I only really experience with my family. 

The last few days have been filled with bad 80's hair band ballads.  Cinderella's "Don't now what you've  got till its gone", Tesla's "Love Story" even Cher's "If I could turn back time".  All I can think about is why didn't I check her kennel and make sure she was locked in Tuesday night?   Why didn't I train her to not leave the yard?  Why didn't I spend more time with her on Tuesday?  Why did I care more about not messing up my pants then playing with her?  Why did I rush to fill her water bowl, pet her a few times and threw her a stick so I could make it back into the house before she came back?  Why didn't I take any recent pictures of her? Why, why  why?   Regret. 

This regret has really plagued me.  I feel like I not only failed Addie but I failed the girls.  My laziness and indiffernce cost Addie and my girls.  I know this was just an animal and for those that are thinking "it is a dog, get over it" , I get you.  I used to think that way.  My opinion was animals smell, they slobber, they shed, they poop and pee and did I mention they smell!  The only good animal was a stuffed animal. 

But looking at PerryAnn and having to tell her what happened and then comforting this teenager who was in that moment, a small child looking at me with eyes wet from tears but more than that a helpless stare, questioning me, pleading with me to make it not be true.   You want to give your kids all you can and this was something  that I could not do.  It is killing me.   Yeah, Addie was a dog but she was a part of our family and we miss her.

She'll be here all week...tip your waitress.

Not to out do Gracie,  but PerryAnn is funny also... yet again proving funny came from my side of the family.

PerryAnn is writing a paper on Julius Caesar and Ancient Rome and she yelled to me from the office, "Mom, if they still used today the type of money that the Ancient Roman's used and someone in America wanted to open a currency exchange business they could call it America's Got Talents". 

Funny.  Really funny in my opinion.  I think Pastor Neal will like this one.

Gracie: from the backseat

Gracie is funny.  She gets it from me.  Dan, not so much.  This week as we were driving in the car, she said some of the funniest things. 

1.  Mom, can I get a tatoo?  (while we were driving to school with a pen in her hand contemplating writing on herself)

2.  Mom, why do you talk to the other cars?  (I don't know.  But I do talk to myself and other cars regularly.  Sometimes I wonder if I would be able to function if I did not tell myself (and others whether they are listening or not) what to do outloud.  I also sometimes think I am talking to myself but struggle with my inner monolague going external without my knowing it)

3.  Mom, can I get an ipod like sissy has? (sissy always plays her songs in the car but then takes the ipod with her when she gets out leaving me and Gracie to regular radio.  Gracie prefers to have control over what music she listens to... and most everything else.)

4.  Mom, what do you want to be when you get bigger?  (Really good question.  I had to think on this one before I gave her my answer.  I figured, she's three, maybe she will forget that she asked me.  I changed the subject to the Cheetah Girls)

5. Mom, can we go to the Cheetah Girls concert?  ( My answer was "they aren't here yet", I think they are in Oklahoma or somewhere like that.)

6.  Mom are the Cheetah Girls here yet?

7.  Ah, pickles. (her response to "No honey, the Cheetah Girls aren't here yet.)

8.  Mom can you put on the song "hold your breath because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you"?  (Secondhand Serenade song that PerryAnn places A LOT.  Gracie has learned the words and it is really funny to hear her sing it.

9.  Mom, can you put on Demi Babado?  (Demi LaVato - Disney channel singer)

10.  It's been a long day.  (Friday night in the car on the way to Kohl's and icecream)

We Need A Wife

I am not going all,  no on California Prop 8 or anything but my dear friend Amanda Tongg had it sooo right when she told her husband " We need a wife".   As I look around my bedroom, the place we are supposed to rest and refuel, all I can think about it what a disaster it is and how much "work" it is going to take to get it to the point where I can actually rest there. 

I wake up most nights at my designated freak out time of 11:45 pm and look at my couch and see what appears to be the guy that kidnapped Polly Klaus taunting me.  Just standing there, motionless, before he goes and takes my children from their rooms.  Scary.  But it is only a stack of clothes topped with Dexter Mays swim trunks that in the dark, late at night during "irrational hour" look like the guys head, reddish frizzy hair and all.

Yeah, I should just move that stack, or better yet return the clothes to Brandi Mays.  Yeah, I should do that.  But if we had a wife I could just expect her to take care of it, right?  Isn't that how it works?